Shan.

fights.

Another one. Is it me? I can’t tell anymore. I keep replaying every word in my head, whos right, whos wrong… but I still can’t tell. I FEEL SO TRAPPED. Not in this relationship, but in this CIRCLE of miscommunication. What is it really?

Are we too different…? Maybe too much alike? Could it possibly be that I am in an alternate reality because I work too much to really focus on anything else. I wish I knew. This is driving me crazy…literally. Sometimes I have the urge to just punch you in the face… how bad I want to at those times is a little scary. But then I think of how much I love him and I don’t know what do.

A mountain top to sleep on.

It’s exactly what I need.

waiting.

She wallowed, she froze.

His hands reminded her she’s not old.

She sat on stone.

He forced her small lips closed.

“Can you stop for just one second…”

::Moves his hands::

“When did life become so hectic…?”

She stands up and walks away,

He follows her throughout this day.

Watches her, and she doesnt know.

She sits on a window, feet dangling, speaks words below

“Where am I now, if you care to tell me..

Am I losing this again, the one thing I need.

I needed it more than this air that I breathe…

In this darkness I live in, he is all that I can still see.”

::continues::

“If he leaves me now, I know that I’ll die…

For without his love, I have no reason why.

I did this for him, I became this mistake,

Will he still love me forever or am I too much to take?

Please tell me now, so I will never return

I will walk through this fire, and my tainted soul can burn.,

If you wont tell me now, then I guess I will wait.

The seconds are killing me, What is my fate?”

She climbs down from the window

In circles she goes.

The restlessness inside her that only he knows…

He stands somewhere, speechless

What should he choose?

Can he save this girl,

Or is it he she will lose?

I’m ready to go.

So I say this often, the words escape my lips

Your eyes can’t seem to recognize yourself anymore.

Did I even deserve a glimpse?

Drowning underneath the everlasting hope, and the desire

Wishing to find the truth that is hidden within the liar.

Can I accept that this has fallen beneath this ground under my feet

This ship can’t sink much lower, and my tears simply will never reach.

In my agony, your asking me to be your lighting hope.

While I sit alone in darkness, wishing you never spoke.

Fail me, dear favors and fake until your breathless.

Count me in, and make me curious, I’ve never been so restless.

Am I obvious, or is this mask blackened and glued to my face.

Do I stand defenseless, in this conviction

Or can I still erase…

So keep saying who you will be, really not knowing at all.

They say… they say, you’re still so lost.

I say the truth is where we fall.

The light too bright for my eyes to focus

Intentions I finally see…

The unveiling of your crooked faces

Insecurity in those of us who use to believe.

From innocent eyes to empty eyes

A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold just isn’t enough…

These scars, these wounds inside of me

Lay deeper than you can touch.

shh.

Savoring the way your skin feels so I can remember when I wake., if you aren’t beside me then there isn’t much purpose to not one of my days. you are the air in this place that i am hanging onto…just a thread. i feel like losing but you keep the fire inside me wanting to burn just for hope. for desire. for a slight thought of possibility. and you say these things, they dont seem so true. but you say them. i choose to believe you. what am i looking for. a reason. what did i come for. a love. a different feeling than love or hate exists now. its the soul within mine that cringes and begs to be free. captive have i felt for so long. you released me. for what reason i am still treading on uncertainity i believe myself insane. i should know this. i should know by now. the touch of your hands soothes my wondering. keep me quiet for now.